Things you wouldn't normally see on PotO
by The-Darkness-In-The-Bright
Summary: austenfan1990  xx1sang.real7xx  months of boredom THIS! a collaboration of parodies you wouldn't see in reality, but are being shown here! Reviews would help! Sorry about spacing...will be working on that soon!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hello! This is just a bit of drabble, but its parodies austenfan1990 and I came up with when we were bored…it started as a lark last November during our work experience, but now, we're utterly nuts about making these up! Hope you all enjoy!

Erik: come to me, angel of music…

_Raoul enters, wearing bright pink_

Raoul: so sorry I'm late, my flowers were dying. Am I missing anything?

Erik: Er…how about your mind?

Erik: I am your angel of music…come to me, angel of…

Christine: You most certainly are not!

Erik: Not what?

Christine: An angel of music!

Erik: (sarcastically) Fine! Would "deformed, mauled and psychotic maniac of music" do?

Christine: Ah….point taken.

Raoul: So what does he look like?

Christine: I beg your pardon?

Raoul: His face, I mean.

Christine: (hurt at Raoul's insensitivity and sarcastic) Oh, I don't know, it would look like _you_ after you were dead for two months!

Christine: You do have a lot of candles here, Erik. Aren't you afraid of a fire?

_Erik exasperatedly points to the lake_

Erik: (sarcastic) And what the hell do you think _that_ is for, my dear? Decoration?!

Christine: But Erik! People will be killed!

_Erik raises a brow_

Erik: Well they bloody well better after all the hard work I'm putting into this!

_Christine stares at him_

Christine: You seriously need a new hobby.

Christine: God give me the courage to show you, you are not alone.

_She kisses Erik. Raoul is indignant_

Raoul: What the hell?! I promise you a wonderful life and give you an engagement ring, and you choose Monster-face and his creepy boat?!

Erik: This face, which earned a mother's fear and loathing-

_Without thinking, Christine speaks under her breath_

Christine: Did you honestly expect it to do otherwise?

_Erik glares_

Raoul: There is no Phantom of the Opera!

_Erik removes Punjab Lasso and holds it menacingly_

Erik: Wanna bet?


	2. Chapter 2

C: **(_unconvincingly_)** Why, there's no-one there!

E: **(_drawls_)** Your acting sucks, _cherie_. I know that fancy-pants, whatisname, is out there with my ex-best mate.

C: Oh bugger…I mean, no, no-one is there!

E: **_(unconvinced)_** Riiiight…

----

C: You are not the Angel of Music…You are the Opera Ghost!

E: _**(sarcastically)**_ No shit, Sherlock.

_From off-stage, you can hear Holmes yelling "Oi! I take offense at that!"_

----

E: Beware of the grasshopper, it jumps…and it jumps jolly high!

C: _**(looks confused)**_ It's an inanimate bronze figurine…

E: **_(rolls eyes)_** It's a _metaphor_!

_Pause_

C: I knew that.

----

E: _**(singing)**_ My power, over you-

C: _**(interrupts)**_ – is non-existent, freak-face!

E: _**(continues as if she has not spoken)**_ – grows stronger yet…

C: Hello?! Did you lose your ears along with your nose?

E: No, you twit, I'm ignoring you!

----

E: I have saved you to please my wife.

D: Oh please, Erik, only a mother could love that face, and even THAT didn't happen for you!

----

E: _**(singing)**_ Touch me, trust me, savour each sensation…

_Christine comes out of her trance and slaps him across the face._

C: How DARE you?!

----

_Erik is rowing the boat with a semi-conscious Christine in it._

C: Ugh…I think I'm gonna hurl…

E: **_(concerned)_** Are you sea-sick?

C: Technically, we're not on the sea…but no, I was referring to your face.

----

E: _**(indicates coffin)**_ This is where I sleep.

C: Eww. Either you're a vampire or a corpse…neither of which is appealing to me, by the way.

----

E: If you wish to leave, you shall never see Erik's face.

C: _**(pause)**_ OK. Inferiority complex. Gotcha.

----

_The managers of the Opera House have been ignoring Erik's requests, so he now decides to take drastic measures._

Managers:**_ (reading from the letter)_** 'Apologies for the sudden letter, just testing my new mailing system. Apparently black-edged letters of doom don't seem to have the same effect on you anymore. Signed, O.G. PS. This message will self-destruct violently in 5 seconds.'

----

_What would happen if we locked Severus Snape, Sherlock Holmes, Erik and Dr Gregory House (maybe Captain Jack Sparrow as well…just for the hell of it ;) ) in a room together...well, this is what austenfan1990 and I thought would happen :D_

**austenfan's take**

Snape: Merlin's beard…now I hope all of you have brain capacities larger than a goldfish otherwise we're going to have a hell of a lot of trouble…_**(growls menacingly)**_

Holmes: I never thought I'd say this, but _where_ is a woman when you need one? _**(moans)**_ Why must I put up with such disagreeable characters?

House: _**(sarcastically)**_ Right, this is gonna be fun…arguing over who has the largest fanbase…

Erik: (**_trying to look positive)_** Well, at least…that prat Raoul isn't here…_**(we suddenly poof Raoul in and Erik slaps his forehead)**_ I said too much too soon….

**My take – 1**

Sparrow: That's interesting **_(teeters drunkenly and flops next to Holmes, taking a gulp of his rum)_**

House: Who the hell are you guys?!

Sparrow: Would've thought it was rather obvious, mate. I'm Cap'n Jack Saprrow!

Holmes: My dear Doctor, it is rather elementary, is it not?

Snape: _**(rolls eyes)**_ Oh, Merlin, another dunderhead.

House: _**(snidely)**_ Well, aren't we mature? Where'd you get the insults, the 70's? Or was that where you got the dress?

Snape: Robes!

House: _**(feigns a look of realization)**_ Oh! It must have been the last time you washed your hair!

Snape: _**(enraged)**_ How DARE you?!

_They continue to bicker. Holmes is very much amused and is sharing the rum with Sparrow whilst watching, but Erik is getting very annoyed._

Erik: _**(sweetly)**_ Will I have to use the Punjab Lasso, monsieurs?

_At the mention of "Punjab lasso", they look at him in horror and shut up._

Erik: _**(satisfied)**_ I thought not. Hand me that bottle, Sparrow.

Sparrow: _**(grins)**_ Aye, mate.


End file.
